I went to Wrestlemania back in April. It was my first time in Miami and my first Wrestlemania. Before I go any further, let me just say the Show was AWESOME!!!! So you may be thinking "What's The T?" The T is the BullShit!!! I went with a guy who was a friend and most importantly a wrestling fan. We had been to a WWE live event here (Detroit, MI) but never out of town. It seemed like the perfect idea. I always wanted to go and this time I could afford it and he never been sooooo What The Hell...... We goin to MIAMI!! The plan went like this, I buy the Wrestlemania tickets, we pay for our own travel, and he pay for the hotel.
PROBLEM #1 He could not fly cuz he BIG AS HELL. Well not a problem, I love road trips so we went Greyhound. Plus it was so much cheaper than a plane ticket. It took a day and a half to get there. I was ready for the long journey! I had my music, snacks, and a book, (Ho! is always ready!) So we get to Miami at 1:30 AM Saturday.
Problem #2 We can't check in with his reservations until 3 PM. REALLY BITCH!!?? He said we can hang out in the lobby until then. I said "No the fuck I can't!" That was like 14 hours Fuck That Shit! So I paid for the first night. Saturday at Noon they can't find his reservations. This bitch did not call the hotel ahead of time to make sure everything was set up. He used a third party website and assumed it was all set. When you travel this far from home..... MAKE SURE ALL YO SHIT IS TOGETHER! It took about 2 hours to figure that shit out.
Truth is, I was already sick of his ass! We had been in Miami less than 24 hours and I wanted to Punch this bitch in the throat! So we talked on Saturday (after the foolishness at the front desk) he told me that he uses HAIR SPRAY because he is too fuckin lazy to put on lotion. You got to be ONE LAZY ASS BITCH to spray yo Big Ass Body down with hair spray. He thought we had a great view from our hotel window. WE DID NOT! Let me show you the view......
As you can see South Beach is way across town! This hotel wasn't SHIT! So the day of Wrestlemania (Sunday) I was not in the mood for bullshit and that is all he was serving. I think he is some kind of retard cuz he couldn't do shit but eat. He was trying to flirt with me or something but I shut that shit Down! I had to call a taxi to the hotel so I send him inside to get the address and he come out with nothing. He said it was too much to remember!! REALLY BITCH?? So I went in and got it myself. Then we get in the taxi headed to the arena, I was super excited and then the Shit got Heavy when we pulled up to the Sun Life Stadium. I pay the driver and jump out at the main gate. I get out the street and turn around and see this bitch still in the taxi!! He got pissed with me cuz I didn't wait on his fat ass to get out the car!! He said to me... "I don't get you! Why did you leave me? Just walk away then!". I looked at him like he was a fucking Unicorn!! Then I left him in the parking lot with 78 Thousand people! I kept my cool, I didn't flip out on him, I said 'Fuck This' and left. I had a great time at the show but I HATED THE FUCK OUTTA HIM. Then there was still 2 more days in Miami and 2 days for the long ass trip back home. I did not speak to him at ALL. 4 fucking days of SILENCE! So I know y'all thinking Is That It? Fuck NO!! Let me give you the rest of the T!
I went in to shave and there was 1 square left!! I thought to myself, "I bet you dollars to fuckin donuts he will try to wipe his Massive Ass with that one square!" I was right cuz 20 minutes later.... it was gone!
2. His bag was as big as mine and he didn't even bring soap or a razor. Don't listen to me shave with my new clippers and fuckin ask if you can use them!! NO BITCH!!! I would Shave every strand of hair off my ass b4 I let you use anything of mine!!!
3. He took a DUMP and left the bathroom door open. Then had the nerve to look at me like "Ain't no toilet paper." Sorry Bitch! I'd wipe my ass with a fuckin cactus before I give you the satisfaction of hearing my voice! You Nasty Fuck!
4. I was watching TV and he started to choke. I paid him no attention. That foolishness went on for almost 5 minutes.
5. He said, "I need to leave the AC on all night because If I get hot I'll have a seizure." I said, "You Full Of Shit." then I turned it off and he woke up sweatin his ass off!!
6. He sat in his bed and ate a WHOLE CHICKEN and 3 sides and FUCKIN CAKE!! He ate like a Wild Animal!!
7. He took a shower and had to air dry. I took a shower and dried off with a FRESH TOWEL. When he asked if he could use MY towel I said, "NO! The last thing I need on MY towel is all that damn HAIR SPRAY!!!"
8. I was gonna 'Smothercate' that bitch while he was sleep. My cousin told me not to do it cuz they don't have Gay Porn and Klondike Bars in PRISON.
((Smother + Suffocate = smothercate))
He clearly thought this was gonna be one of them Fuck Vacations...... Reality Check BITCH!!!!! I don't put my Dick near BITCHES I HATE!!!!! This bitch TRULY DID THE FOOL every day of this vacation!! B4 we left the city of Miami..... we were no longer friends! Here is The T! If you know you ain't shit, Stay The Fuck Away From Me!! Miss Me With The BullShit Completely!
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