You Know You Ain't Shit!

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Ask A Ho!!

Because I'm an Internet Celebrity many people send me messages asking for help. Its true, I am a celebrity. Anyways, I can't help everybody but I will answer as many questions as I can. Hopefully I will be able to help some hopeless bitch tonight. So lets get started!!

Facebook Question from 'Renee"      
1.  If you were given a box of Gary Coleman's Ashes..... what would you do with them?
  (A) I would INSTANTLY drop to my knees and Thank The GODS!!!! Then I would Piss in the box and throw the contents in the Filthy Face of that Bitch Bishop Eddie Long. I believe in Giving Back to the community.

Facebook Question ((Name withheld due to embarrassment))  
2. Dear Mr. Ho, I went to a Christmas Party and got the shock of my life. The sister of my Dad's girlfriend said she had sex with MY MOM!! Should I ask my mom if she is a lesbian?? What would you do??
  (A)  She couldn't have said no shit like that to me!!! I would have turned that party THE FUCK OUT. (I don't mean dancing either!) Don't nobody wanna hear that shit on Christmas!! Why is she telling you?? She THIRSTY for attention and she Pussy Hungry!! Next Time.... Slap that bitch in the mouth and then say, "Good Luck Eatin Pussy with a busted Lip!! ASSHOLE!!"

Facebook Question from "TheJazzyOne"  
3. Hey Ho!! You got any fashion advice? ((By the way, You have a beautiful soul and you make amazing jewelry))
  (A) Thank You so much for your kind words!!! I do have some fashion advice. I think my friend Lolita (#FashionIcon) would agree, the best accessory you can have is a pair of shoulder pads. Shoulder pads do so much. If you got a big ass, throw on some shoulder pads! People will be to busy looking at yo shoulders to notice your giant ass. I'm wearing Shoulder Pads right now!

Youtube Question from "Sally-Mae" 
4. Hi Ho, I think I might be pregnant..... what's a girl to do??
  (A) Look bitch either YOU IS or YOU AIN'T!! Go get an abortion anyway. Cuz you seem like the kind of girl who would give birth on the toilet and say some crazy shit like "I didn't know I was pregnant!"

Twitter Question from "Susan"
5. I think my son is gay. Men call my home at all hours of the night. Can you help me?
  (A) He either Gay or Selling Dope. Either way, No the Fuck I can't. Uh... have a blessed Day.

    

                            

Text Message Question from "Jennifer"
6. Hi Branden Ho! I love your Blog! So here is the Tea, Some old lady called me a "Bitch" on the bus! What's up with that!?
 (A) Gurl, you is betta than me!! I would have got up and Did The COMPLETE FOOL on that Ass!! Try this next time, "I know I'm a Bitch!! What's yo excuse You Monkey Mouthed CUNT!!!??" 




Text Message Question from "Everybody"
7. I HATE MY JOB!!!
   (A) Sounds like you hate your job. Well, Get the fuck up and walk the fuck out. It is just that simple. I should know I did it 3 times. Each job was better than the last in my case. If you open your mouth and say "I Can't..." then you Won't. So Don't complain. If you are not willing to make a change in your life, Sit back and continue to enjoy the BullShit. People talk shit about "Quitters". I don't because I am a fuckin QUITTER! "Fuck This Shit, I Quit" are words I live by! I will QUIT before I'll enjoy the BullShit!

 Facebook Question form "Desiree"
8. Explain this??

  (A)  To the untrained eye it looks like 2 friends enjoying each others company. Because I can see BullShit from a mile away....... that is Sweet Brown and Antoine Dodson! They THIRSTY Asses!!! Both of them get on TV and Do The Fuckin Fool and now trying to milk every drop outta that 3 minutes of fame! They have set the black community back at least 1000 years with that foolishness!!! I know Sweet brown was high as a fucking kite when she was on the news! Gettin a "Cold Pop" must be code for DOPE!!!



 

Thanks For all the questions guys! If you didn't know the T before, Bitch You Know Now!!

Friends, Facebook, & Fuckery

"Thank You For Being a Facebook Friend" 
~Branden Ho!


Am I the only one who don't take Facebook seriously? I log onto facebook for 3 reasons.
1. Promote My Projects.
2. Talk Shit.
3. Uh..... um.... uh..... I guess I forgot. Maybe it's only 2 reasons.

Anyways, Facebooks, Twitters & Instagrams has worked its way into the lives of people everywhere and now NOBODY got any social skills!!!! Ain't that some shit!! Let me list some examples. 

Do you know bitches like these? Is it You??

1. ((Friends with their Parents)) As soon as the shit gets heavy, the fight spills onto FB and the mother gets called a Bitch!! 2 weeks later they are friends again. Until the next fight and Daddy gets called a Cunt. Your parents must be fine with you being a Drug Addict and a Whore.

2. ((Thirsty Bitches)) You know them, people that be doin WAY too much. Drinking and Ballin EVERY NIGHT OF THE FUCKING WEEK, Volunteer work at the kids school, Church Deacon Board Meetings, Making it rain down at the strip club, Bible Study every other night, Smoking Drugs all day long...... 
Bitch Pleaze Come Off The BullShit!! When the fuck do you go to work??? Oh, you DON'T!!! 

3. ((The Couple)) The second some shit Jump Off everybody on Facebook be the first ones to hear about it!!! All the shitty details! Y'all provide all the gossip and have the nerve to get angry when people ask what's going on!!!
We get it!! Yo Pussy TOO BIG and His Dick is TOO SMALL!! Fix yo shitty relationship and Get Off The Internets!!!

4. ((The Break Takers)) The people who be on Facebook ALL FUCKING DAY, involved in all types of foolishness, and randomly say... "I'm taking some time off of FB. I just need a Break." Like it is a fucking JOB!!
A break from WHAT!!! Your Self Imposed FUCKERY??? Here is a tip, Stop being friends with HOES YOU DON'T KNOW!! If they full of shit in Real Life.... They Full Of SHIT on the internet too!! Stop mashing the "like" button on all the bullshit you see!! So you like "Bad Bitches From Da Hood" do you have to like the page??? No Bitch you don't!

5. ((News Watchers)) They wait until some tragic shit happen, break the sad news on Facebook, and then do the Fucking Fool!!!
Look Bitch you ain't the only one with a Fucking TV!! I know what's going on!!! I don't need to post Status after Status after Status talking about it, giving all Opinion and NO SOLUTION! If you say "I'm gonna pray for this country." THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP AND PRAY AND GET OFF THE DAMN INTERNET!!!!

6. ((Whores)) Honey, everybody know you selling pussy. Get off FB and Sell it on THE STREETS like everybody else!!

7. ((Parents of small kids)) I don't even wanna be friends with YOU, why the fuck would I be friends with your Nutty Ass Kids?!?!

8. ((Taggers)) <also see 'Thirsty Bitches'> You know these Fuckers!!! They will post a picture of any and everything and tag you in it!! 
((I don't wanna be tagged in a picture of a Dead Body!! Who is this bitch!? I wasn't at this Piece Of Shit Ass Funeral!! STOP CHECKING ME INTO PLACES!!! I don't need every-damn-body to know where I am at all times!! Are you that STARVED for ATTENTION you need everybody to know you at the abortion clinic??


Are you askin what's the T? The T is..... Facebook ain't Shit! 

Catfish & Dick Pix!

Is anybody else watching that delicious show called CatFish on MTV? Well here is the T! It ain't got shit to do with fishing! Its all about people falling in love on the internets and finding out the person they love sooooooo much is somebody else! Imagine that, bitches tellin lies on the damn internet! So far I've seen 2 episodes and I am hooked! The one I saw today takes the fucking cake! This young white guy started talking to this "Hot Babe" on Facebook 2 years ago. She don't have a phone so she can't talk and no computer of her own so no video chat. Now, I'm thinking.... she full of shit! Who the fuck don't have a phone?? Every low life, raggedy, bitch in America got a phone! For 2 years they been messaging each other on fb every night sayin "I love You" and all that sweet shit. She even sends him some dirty messages talking about how she wants to "Blow Him" that's right, Pretty Mouth, Oral Sex, Lip Service! Then had the nerve to ask for some pictures! 

                                                                                     

He sends them! He sent her pictures of his Rock Hard Dick. To me this sounds crazy as Fuck! You can't get no pictures of my Dick, Butt Hole, or my Nips when we ain't talked on the phone, face to face, or video chat!  ((However)) I will send somebody a pic of my ass with a message saying "You can Kiss my Whole Ass." But that ain't what this is about! So they figure out her story is a bit shady and they arrange to meet her. They go to her house expecting to see some Hot Blonde Bombshell and a Fat, Black, Gay Man come to the door and was like "Yes, I'm Amanda!" BAM!! The bullshit hit the fan! The white guy kept his cool but you know he felt like shit on the inside! He been talkin all hot and sexy and sending dick pictures for 2 years to another MAN! The gay guy been doing this shit for YEARS! Using this profile doing the same thing to at least 100 guys! Needless to say this fucker got a collection of Dick Pictures that would make Bishop Eddy Long jealous like a Mutha Fucker!
I know y'all thinking What's Really The T? Here it is!

 The next time you get on the internet talking hot & sexy and sending Rock Hard Dick Pictures to some bitch who don't even have a phone.... don't do it bitch!! Because it is a crazy bitch on the other end, Pussy Drier than Graham Crackers, laughing at Yo THIRSTY ASS!!!   

Stay Blessed Bitches!!!