Not Today Bitch! Part 2

The new Vanity Fair pictures of Caitlyn Jenner hit the internets yesterday and Bitches Went CRAZY! All I have to say about Caitlyn is Congratulations on the transition and you look great. BUT, That Ain't What THIS is About!
Now Here's The Tea!

It seems like every time there is some Gay news, or some Gay folks on TV, or anything LGBT related, folks get on FB and truly Show They Ass!! Well Bitch, Yesterday was NOT the Day!! I had to get on FB and Show MY Ass! I understand everybody has their own opinion. However some of these bitches think their opinion holds some kind of weight! Real Talk, if I wanted to know what a Raggedy, Cock Hungry, Opinionated, and Thirsty Bitch was thinking...... I'd get on ChristianMingle and ask! Until then, Save the BullShit for another day!!
Lately I've noticed "friends" posting news articles and not saying anything about it, then allowing their bigoted family and friends to go crazy in the comment section. All this head shaking, and "don't let yo kids see it", "that is gross", "I'm praying they take this off the TV." They say much worse. They go above and beyond with the BullShit because Thirsty Bitches need attention so they Carry On and On and On and On. Still the "friend" don't say shit about the fuckery taking place on their timeline. That makes me think "Where do YOU stand on this issue?" Bitch, Silence Ain't Golden! Say Some Shit! Instead of getting these Nutty Hoes Whipped Up into some kind of Gay Hating Frenzy. 


When you call them out on it they got all kinds of excuses. "That's my Mama." "They go to my church." "That's my baby daddy's little sister." "If I say something they gone get mad." Oh, okay...... Fuck Them and Fuck YOU!
As TS Madison always say, "Bitch, Step Ya Pussy Up!" Put some shoes on it and STEP IT UP!!! 

I don't understand what it is like to be friends with somebody I don't even like. Or friends on FB just because y'all related. When I find out somebody ain't about shit AND they a bigot...... Fuck That! Friendship OVER! I call it taking out the TRASH! I've done it before and have no problems doing it again. 

I can go on and on about this, but I will stop here before I name some names and really fuck some shit up. FYI, keep this shit up and I will get in your comment section and REALLY DO THE FUCKING FOOL!! Then I will have to end our friendship. I'm sure once I offend Yo Mama, Yo Friends, and all the people at yo church and yo job..... You wouldn't wanna be my friend.
#RealTalkBitch

  

Tea With Skeletor!

I almost never discuss anything serious on Facebook, YouTubes, or this blog. It is comedy 24-7 all damn day, every damn day. However, shit got REAL recently and I was forced to release a statement. I said I wouldn't discuss it any further but everyday I am asked about it. When I blow off an answer then all the speculation and gossip starts. So I will tell the story this one last time and let the cookie crumbs fall where they may. Here is the statement I put out about 2 weeks ago.

"I would like to address this issue now b4 the rumors spread across the internet. I've learned that some 9th grade pictures I took with a classmate has now hit the internet. I'm in no way proud of these pictures and they have been released without my permission. These were different times back then and I was about 14 or 15 years old. Although I am not proud of them, I will NOT be Shamed or Cyber Bullied. I will not let the mistakes of my past destroy the empire I have built for myself today. I ask for Privacy during this difficult time in my life. 
Thank You in advance for your Support and Prayers."

Like all scandals, this shit surfaced at the worst possible time. I had just broke the news that I'm staring in a new animated series. That makes 3 animated series that I am currently writing and staring in. In addition to co-staring in a animated independent film, being the president and star player of my local LGBT Ping-Pong Club, my duties as a Youth Advocate, and trying to maintain already strained relationships with family and friends. You can imagine an 18 year old scandal hit a bitch like a ton of bricks! When picture hit the internets and people I did not go to school with started showing them to me......... I denied it. Then came the panic and SHAME! "That Ain't Me!" "Where the fuck did you find them pictures at!" 

So here is the picture and the T!

 I decided to cover her face with Skeletor because I don't wanna Fan The Flames of this BullShit anymore. If we went to High School together then you know who the fuck this girl is! I'm mad because one of her relatives dug this shit up and posted it. I could blame the devil or somebody else but this shit is my fault. It was my fucking idea to take the pictures! That shit Sho Nuff Exploded in my damn face!!  When the pictures came back our classmates WORE MY ASS OUT!! Joke after joke, rumors that she was my girlfriend, then rumors that we broke up because I couldn't handle the backlash from our entire 9th grade class. None of that shit was true.

The truth is, she was never my girlfriend. As a gay man I can truthfully say I have NEVER had a girlfriend. ((Because I never fucking wanted one!)) 

She and I were friends but the friendship didn't last long. It ended because my comedy and amazing personality was too much for her church girl attitude. Needless to say I was never invited to her bullshit ass church!

We went to a school dance together and there is one more picture of us out there. (I hope to GOD it is never found!) That ugly ass shirt I had on, found its way in the TRASH 2 weeks later. I have no idea where she is now. About 10 years ago I ran into her and we talked briefly. No Shade No T, the progress report was not good! I learned my lesson that day! I'll never make the mistake of taking some BullShit Ass pictures with her again!

Not Today Bitch!!!

Anybody who knows me will tell you that them Ass Clowns over at ChristianMingle.com been fucking with me. Every damn weekend they send my ass a email early in the morning. I guess they figure my ass ain't at church! They keep trying to get me (an Openly Gay Man) to sign up to that shitty "Dating Site". They keep saying "Find God's Match For You!" I keep saying, "Not Today Bitch!!"



I know the T on ChristianMingle and all them other dating sites. Y'all not about to get my ass RAPED over and over and over again!! Because that is all them bitches is serving. BullShit in its PUREST FORM and I wants NONE OF IT!! I Googled "ChristianMingle Rape" and there is a ton of stories about Men and Women thinking they found "God's Match" for them and they found a fucking RAPIST! Ain't that some shit! You thinking you got a new boyfriend and y'all going to church together, having Bible Study on Tuesday nights and this crazy bastard show up ready to Date Rape!! 

I got an idea, how about going TO CHURCH! Stop fucking around on the damn internet sending Dick Pix to your girlfriends and talking all hot and heavy to these THIRSTY FUCKERS! I'd bet you dollars to donuts this is one of the filthiest sites on the damn internet. Ain't that how Bishop Eddie Long got caught up in that Sex Scandal? Speaking of that Dirty Dick Bastard, I would NEVER communicate with anybody who's profile picture is of them wearing a Jheri Curl wig and a tight ass shirt!!

Here's the T! Y'all send me one more fucking email..... I will sign up to that site and DO THE COMPLETE FOOL!!

1. I will CatFish the first bitch that say "Hi". 
2. I will send everybody Dick Pix and Prayer Requests!
3. I will upload only the Finest Gay Porn.
4. I will send out reminders letting everybody know "Gay Fight Club" is every Tuesday night after bible study behind the dumpster at New Faith Missionary Baptist church.
5. I will also post Midget Fight Videos.

I'm sure after I do all of this, they would kick me off and finally stop emailing me shit.
Before I forget I must say, Them Bitches over at the '700 Club' ain't Shit either! How the Fuck is that shit still coming on TV? 
The BullShit is so Real!

The Drugs & The BullShit

Does anybody else smell the BullShit when it comes to drug use? Before I continue let me just remind everybody that Retarded people, Church Folks and Drug Users Hate the Fuck outta me! (This list gets bigger and bigger every year!) Now on with the story.......

I always say "Know BullShit when you see it." When you know it, you will never be surprised when somebody try to lay it at your feet. After the MTV VMAS Sunday night the ONLY thing people been talking about is Miley Cyrus & her drug use. 

What The FUCK Lil Kim?

Not Lil Kim and that crazy ass wig she had on.


Just Miley Cyrus. I swear I got to be the only one WHO DON'T GIVE A SOFT, MOIST FUCK about it. Give me a fuckin break! I knew it was BullShit the second her ass hit the stage! For the last 4 damn days, that is all the news been talking about. That Thirsty Bitch Richard Simmons on Entertainment Tonight crying about it. Random bitches doing interviews talking about somebody needs to be fired. Kids gettin on TV expressing their "Shock and Disappointment" over her drug use. What the fuck did y'all expect? The last few years the ONLY thing this girl been serving up is BullShit!! 

I tell everybody to Pick your favorite celebrities carefully. I've been blogging about this shit since the Myspace days. People get PISSED with me when I discuss Celebs and Drugs. ((I don't give a fuck about that either.)) The Truth is the FUCKING TRUTH! They get HIGH and do the fucking FOOL!! I will NOT support Fuckery and BullShit. You want me to name some names?

1. Michael Jackson 
2. Whitney Houston
3. George Michael
4. Amy Winehouse
5. Little Richard
6. Charlie Sheen
7. Lindsay Lohan
8. Gary Coleman
9. Bishop Eddie Long
10. Amanda Bines 


The list goes ON and ON! New bitches get their name added to it Every damn day! I love me some Oprah but I'm about to mash the BullShit button! That Lindsay Lohan interview she did was COMPLETE BULLSHIT! I already knew she was on DOPE! Now she about to get $2 MILLION dollars to do a fucking reality show...... That shit is Truly Crazy! Why pay that fucker when you can see people use drugs for FREE on Intervention!! 

Black people sure do get mad when you talk about Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston. All I gotta say is..... COME THE FUCK OFF THE BULLSHIT!! When Whitney died CNN told us she drowned in the bathtub, she had breast implants, and there was DRUGS and alcohol all over that bathroom. They found all that shit and nowhere did they find Soap and a Fucking Rag!!! I know a guy who said on Facebook "Somebody broke in that hotel room and KILLED her!" WHO the fuck would do that? The Ghost of Gary Coleman? Bitches always looking to BLAME somebody! Oh before I forget Conrad Murray did not kill Michael Jackson! The Jackson family is pointing the finger at everybody but the fucking devil!!

I really wish people would stop calling Amy Winehouse a "Musical Genius" the only thing she was good at playing was THE SPOONS! (Yup I Said It!)
They get High on drugs, hit the stage, give some BullShit Ass Performance, and Y'all EAT IT UP!!


What's Really the T (truth)?
Boys & Girls PLEAZE wake the fuck up before you Overdose On BULLSHIT!

Hello Bitch!!

As some of you know I volunteer for a national Helpline. Its never anything too heavy. They call, we listen, we talk, that should be it. But you know there is always that one bitch who thinks EVERYTHANG is about them!! Anybody who knows me knows I can't stand BULLSHIT. Well, the BullShit at this place is off the fuckin charts!! One man calls everyday  and sometimes all day long. I'll call him "BitchFace". Let me give you the T on BitchFace.

Every single time I walk into that office, the BullShit starts the second my ass hit the seat! He never calls for help, just to tell these BullShitty stories. He will talk for hours about his shoulder fetish if you let him. He gets pissed when we don't talk to him. He will call back to back 50 times and hang up. He so fuckin THIRSTY for attention!! Six months after I started I got a new job and left for a year and a half. The day I returned this bitch was the first one to call! Saying "I need to talk and I never talk about this kind of stuff but my shoulders...." I stopped that bitch before he could tell another lie! We got into it so TUFF. 

NOT TODAY BITCH!!!
 I told him "I don't have time for this foolishness today." He called me ignorant..... and I let that Greazy Bitch HAVE IT!!! I said "Your life must really be hard because you So Full of Shit!! You will take any phone call and turn it into a Fuckin Shit Show!! Who has time for this Crazy Shit?!"
He said, "I'm gonna call the director and my lawyer!"
Me: "I don't give a fuck! Fuck You and them Shitty Shoulders!!! Call back again and I will come to your house, dig up your mother's body in the backyard, and FUCK that Mummified Bitch in the streets!!! Now, you have a blessed day, Fuckin CUNT."
There were no more calls that day. I guess being called a cunt will hurt a bitch's feelings.


Here is the damn T! Bitch, don't waste my time! If you call have yo shit together!!! I will only say "Hello?" ONE DAMN TIME!! You got something to say HIT IT! If you don't.......... Get The Fuck Off The Phone!!! Today's lesson has been brought to you by the letters C.U.N.T. and the numbers FUCK & YOU!

 

Fuck Zumba............ Foreals!!

Before I talk about the bullshit that is Zumba, I need to explain why I was there in the first place. During my last visit to the doctor I found out I gained 30 fuckin pounds in 3 months. It had been exactly 3 months since I started a new job. (The Food Is GOOD!!)  
That makes 50 pounds I gained in 1 year. That equals FUCKIN CRAZY FAT! So I joined a gym last month. 

The Journey:
Well, you know what they say, "The Journey Of a Thousand Hoes Start With One Step." 
I started my workouts simple, Walk the track, Hit the treadmill, Do some FaceBook, A lil Instagrams, and Hit The Showers!! First month I lost 20 Fuckin Pounds!!! So I thought its time to mix it up a bit, you know try some new shit, why not Zumba! The people on TV look like they havin a good time. My Inside Voice said "Nah Bitch, that's TV. You can't dance so Fuck that class and go back to the Locker Room!" I should have listened. The class was an hour long and I had pumped myself up with all kinds of excitement about this class. Telling myself shit like "Ooooh Bitch! You gone get in there and wear that dance floor out!!" "Yesssss Bitch! GET IT!! And Once You Got It....... Get Some More!!!" But my Inside Voice was sayin, "Bitch Is You Serious??!!"

So the door open and me and 15 ladies walk in. I'm thinking "Where is all the men?" ((That was the first sign of the BullShit)) The instructor didn't say shit to us. No "Welcome", No "How y'all doing" She just turned on the damn music and started dancing. So, I started dancing too! I quickly realised I knew NONE of the fucking dance moves and all of these women been in this class before!! So that made me the Fat Ho in the back Stumblin' and Fumblin' makin an ASS outta myself!! 

I'm sure I looked like this after 5 minutes.... (Like a Fuckin FOOL)

  
It just kept Going and going and going! Nonstop. I was waiting on the song to end so I could breathe! My 9th grade dance class with Mrs. Rowland ain't got SHIT on Zumba!!! I was sweating like Conrad Murray at a LaToya Jackson concert!!! 





It was too much for me. Everybody else is dancing and smiling having a good ass time. I was about to loose my shit. It was hot as fuck in that studio. It had to have been 100 fuckin degrees! How many damn times can I "Drop It Like Its Hot" "Shake Dat Ass" and "Dip It Down Low"?? 
Clearly Not Enough!!! 
On top of all that, I was wearing a Jockstrap for the first time! That Mutha Fucker was GIVIN MY FAT ASS THE BUSINESS!!!! It was Official I HAD ENOUGH!! "I've Fucking HAD IT!! OFFICIALLY!"
I look at the clock and only 15 minutes had passed....... I said, "FUCK THIS SHIT!! I QUIT!! 

 As soon as the music stopped I grabbed my towel and walked The Fuck outta that Hot Ass room!!! I sat down and it took 30 minutes for me to stop sweating!!!
 If this was a RuPaul Drag Race Lip Sync for yo life, I would have Turned That Shit Completely The Fuck Out!!! But This was NOT That! 
After 15 minutes of Zumba, If I didn't know what the Tea was I sure as Fuck Know Now!!!

I'll NEVER DO THAT SHIT AGAIN!!!

You Know You Ain't Shit!

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